Why It Will Happen Eventually

Because this is America, people! "What," you may ask, "will happen?" Friends, I am talking about something no less spectacular than the ultimate reveal. No, it isn't the government's admission that we have alien bodies at Area 51, or the secret videos of a CIA operative shooting Kennedy from the grassy knoll. Something much more shocking will happen soon. Very soon, an image of the Prophet Muhhamad will be shown on American television.

In case you haven't been paying attention for the last half decade, journalists, satirists, writers, and other media illuminati have been held hostage by Islamic fundamentalists who believe that displaying the image of Muhhamad is blasphemy, punishable by vilification and death in some cases. The controversy really heated up with the publication of a series of political cartoons in the Dutch paper Jyllands-Posten in 2005. The cartoons led to riots and protests in dozens of countries, possibly contributing to the deaths of up to 100 people. Since then, the purveyors of print, television, and online media have been proactively censoring any attempts to show an image of Muhhamad.

Hold on to your socks, however, because the paragons of social commentary Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of South Park, have launched new slings and arrows in this issue. Just when you think a controversy is dead, and that truth and reason are the casualties, leave it to South Park to breathe a little life back into those two venerable seniors.

A few weeks ago, South Park aired an episode (leading to a sequel episode the following week), in which every famous person that has ever been insulted by the denizens of South Park band together under the leadership of Tom Cruise to hold the town hostage. The ransom? They want to steal the "mojo" of Muhhamad that enables him to avoid ridicule, and they want the South Park boys to bring Muhhamad to their Legion of Doom headquarters. Long term fans of South Park will remember that the South Park boys have a special relationship with Muhhamad (and the other major religious leaders of the world, including Jesus and Joseph Smith) dating back to the early seasons of the show. Knowing that Comedy Central would no doubt censor any images of Muhhamad, Trey and Matt go to SouthParkian extremes to ridicule this hypocrisy, in ultimately hilarious ways. The plot has Muhhamad stuck in a U-Haul, clothed in a football mascot bear suit, and eventually blacked out completely by a large "censored" bar. Of course, I don't think I need to explain why this is hypocrisy. Comedy Central didn't have any problem showing Jesus decapitating Roman Catholic priests with his boomerang-halo, and they didn't have a problem showing Joseph Smith (founder of the Mormon faith) while playing a song in the background that trulled "dumb dumb dumb-dumb-dumb!", or for that matter showing another character defecating on the bible. But they can't show a cartoon version of Muhhamad? In any pose? I also won't point out that South Park has already shown Muhhamad in earlier seasons, and no one batted an eyelash. Have a few riots in Spain and the Netherlands, however, and suddenly the fearless American media is utterly paralyzed.

It sounds bad, but I'm convinced that our creative media are fighting back in traditionally American style: first we roll over like bitches, then we turn around and shoot you with very big guns. In this case, South Park was our first drone strike. And now we're bringing in the Navy. Who is the Navy here? The Good Wife, of course!

This week, The Good Wife came perilously close to showing another cartoon version of Muhhamad, barely obscured by a shoulder. I actually held my breath. While it sounds like more of the same obfuscation, you have to think about it in perspective. You might expect a show like South Park or Saturday Night Live to be ground zero in this ideological battleground, but The Good Wife?! This is a show on the most conservative (in terms of management) of the Big 4 networks. It's audience is also relatively staid and unpolitical. The fact that the writers of The Good Wife are sticking their toes into this lake of fire and brimstone should tell you something. Our entertainers and satirists aren't a bunch of crybabies after all. They're just cautious. But caution was just a delay tactic. I'm convinced we will be seeing an image of Muhhamad on TV, or in a magazine perhaps, within the next year.

If you never imagined a connection between South Park and The Good Wife, perhaps its time to give it some thought. What exactly do they have in common? The obvious, of course ... they're both Made In America. Who knows? Maybe this will lead to a resurgence of genre shows that are actually produced in the States instead of Vancouver! One can only hope ....

P.S. -

Erica Durance, I love you